We live in a culture that celebrates self-sufficiency. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Don’t be a burden. Do life on your own terms. From the time we’re young, we absorb the message that depending on anyone else is weakness.

But for many of us, the drive to control everything isn’t ambition… it’s survival.

One of my A-HA moments in jail was the following realization. When others were in control, I tended to get hurt more often. But when I was in control, I got hurt a lot less. This propelled me to want to control every person, situation, & experience in life. My tight maladaptive controlling grip propelled so many stupid decisions that ironically, landed me in a place where I had ZERO control of anything – JAIL.

If you’ve experienced pain of any kind – whether that’s harsh words from a parent, rejection that cut deep, a relationship that crossed lines, or something far more violent – your nervous system learned a lesson: when others are in control, my chances of getting hurt increase. But, when I’m in control, I get hurt a lot less. That’s just what our young brain calculates based on our personal limited experience and skillsets. Because others are selfish & we are selfish, our mind gravitates to this incomplete lesson.

So we control. We manage every room we walk into, every relationship we let close, every situation that could leave us exposed. We become masters of our own fortress. But, we don’t even realize we’ve locked God outside the gate.

This is where Satan wants us – using this protective wiring to obstruct our healthy relationship with God. To have you assume that God is as untrustworthy as all the others & will selfishly hurt you.

Here’s what I’ve seen in my own life and in the lives of thousands I’ve walked alongside: the very strategy we use to protect ourselves often becomes the thing that holds us back.

Hypervigilance feels like strength. But underneath it, there’s exhaustion. Isolation. A subconscious longing for the connection we’re missing – with others, and especially, with God.

The invitation of the Gospel isn’t to lower your guard and hope for the best. It’s something far better: to be known fully and loved completely, by a God who has proven He can be trusted. Jesus didn’t just say He cared. He went to the cross. That’s not the posture of someone who will abandon you or misuse your vulnerability. That’s the posture of a God who takes the risk first.

Today, I want to ask you honestly:

Is God in control of your life… or have you quietly re-elected yourself? Not out of arrogance, but out of fear?

You don’t have to figure it all out before you trust Him. You don’t have to be healed before you come to Him. You can come as you are – guarded, tired, skeptical – and let Him begin the work of showing you He is safe.

He loves you. He’s not asking you to be naïve. He’s asking you to be His.

PS: For you skeptics who feel like your situation is the exception to the lesson, He’s better at controlling your life than you are. And actually, you’re being tricked to think that you have more knowledge & power than you think God has in your life.

VERSES TO MEMORIZE

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. – Proverbs 3:5–6

He existed before anything else, and He holds all creation together. – Colossians 1:17

You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind is fixed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You. – Isaiah 26:3

PRAYER

Father, You know why I hold on so tight. You know the moments that taught me the world wasn’t safe, and that letting go felt like danger. Forgive me for keeping You at arm’s length too.

Teach me what it means to trust You. Help me to recognize Your voice, to rest in Your strength, and to believe that Your control over my life is not a threat, but a gift. I can’t heal myself. I can’t protect myself from everything. But I know in Your hands, I can get through anything and be a better person on the other side than I was before it.

I pray this in the name of Jesus, who bore my wounds so I don’t have to bear them alone. And all God’s children say, AMEN.