As we embark on this back-to-school season, it’s the perfect time to pause and think about trauma… both our own and our kids’. New routines, new teachers, new social dynamics: transitions like these can stir up old wounds we thought were behind us, and create new ones for our children if we’re not paying attention.

My simple definition: Trauma = Pain not properly processed

We tend to picture trauma as something dramatic… combat, abuse, a car accident. But some of the deepest wounds our kids (and we ourselves) carry come from moments we’ve dismissed as “no big deal”: being cut from the team, a friend’s sudden move, a birthday party we weren’t invited to. Left unprocessed, these “small” hurts can do real damage to a young mind, and to their view of God, others, and themselves.

I originally wrote this piece for Focus on the Family, and it resonated with so many of you that I wanted to share it here too.

In it, I walk through what’s actually happening in the brain when trauma takes root, how the enemy uses those wounds against our kids, and (most importantly) how God specializes in rewriting the ending. Joseph’s brothers meant him harm. God meant it for good. That’s still true today.

Psychological Trauma: What Was Intended for Evil, God Can Use for Good

We live in a fallen world where terrible things happen. Trials and tribulations are guaranteed on this side of heaven – even for innocent children and good people. Think about Jesus: He was perfect, yet He endured deeply traumatic experiences.

Trauma is a distressing, painful, or shocking experience with lasting psychological, physiological, and spiritual effects. We usually picture extremes — wartime violence, abuse, natural disasters. But a young, immature mind can be traumatized by far less, simply because it lacks the experience and skills to process a hard moment.

Little traumas may not be so little

As adults, we often look back at painful childhood moments — a parents’ divorce, a grandparent’s death, being bullied, getting cut from a team — and minimize them: “Lots of kids go through that.” But if we could feel what we actually felt in that moment, or watch our own child live it in real time, we’d see it differently. Unprocessed, these “micro-traumas” carry real spiritual, psychological, and physiological weight — and they lower the threshold for the next hurt to become damaging too.

When emotional alarm bells ring

God designed our emotions – anxiety, fear, sadness, anger – as a warning system. When we sense danger, our brain scans memory for context, and our thinking centers decide how to respond. Trauma disrupts this system in three key areas of the brain:

The amygdala (our emotional center) becomes overactive, keeping us on high alert for anything resembling a past hurt.

The hippocampus (our memory center) shrinks and struggles to distinguish past danger from present safety — so an old wound gets triggered by an unrelated new situation.

The ventromedial prefrontal cortex (our emotional thermostat) goes underactive, so reactions become exaggerated and impulsive rather than level-headed.

How the enemy exploits it

Kids are naturally trusting, which makes them vulnerable to the lies Satan plants in the wake of trauma:

Me-centered: “I’m broken. I’m unlovable. My life has no purpose.”

Others-centered: “If I get close to someone, I’ll get hurt. It’s every man for himself.”

God-centered: “If God cared, this wouldn’t have happened. He’s punishing me.”

Six ways to help your child move toward wholeness:

• Let negative feelings be okay. Jesus felt anger, grief, and sorrow without sinning. These emotions are a warning system, not a flaw.
• Keep communication open. If you’re not talking often, your child will interpret hard moments alone — and Satan will fill the silence.
• Process events promptly. Like first responders debrief after a crisis, help your child process what happened as soon as possible.
• Be the translator of life. Ask what they thought, felt, and believed about themselves, others, or God in the moment — then gently correct the lies.
• Play detective with illogical reactions. What seems irrational to you may feel completely logical to them, based on misinformation stored from the past.
• Help them make a comeback. Don’t let your child set a premature finish line on their story. God is the Author of great comebacks — and He has one written specifically for them.

A final word

On this side of eternity, we may never fully understand why certain trials happen. But we know God is sovereign, and He uses adversity not just to help us survive, but to help us thrive. Understanding His plan and biblical truth doesn’t erase hardship; it transforms it into resilience.

— Dr. Karl

Since 2014, I’ve been honored to serve on Focus on the Family’s Physician’s Resource Council. This board is comprised of amazing Christian, all experts in their field, from across the US. These 20 physicians ensure the Biblical accuracy of the scientific healthcare content that Focus on the Family produces, as well as contribute their own writing and research to articles, videos, and other resources that are linked below.

Originally published at FocusOnTheFamily.com. © 2020, updated 2025, Karl Benzio, MD.

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